Bleddy shettap!

Things that annoy me the most (wow do i love to rant and bitch):

* Rajdeep Sardesai

* Wannabe metalheads who insist on dropping trivia to prove they're truly "metchul"

* People who call other people wannabes

* Accoustic guitars and Hotel California (what is it about darkness, moonlight and a fire that makes anything with a schlong and a guitar want to sing this accursed number, i thoroughly fail to understand. Oh and the stupid chicks who beg for this song)

* Homophobes

* People who say things like "S. M. Krishna was the best thing to happen to Karnataka."

* My building watchman, who, inspite of all my attempts to be really nice to him and keep him stocked with food and occasional booze, still insists on telling tales to The Upstairs Aunty about my late night wanderings.

* My OCD flatmate sorting my cupboard out( how the fuck does she expect me to find anything!)

* My OCD roommate insisting on spraying disinfectant all over my car before she hops in for road trips (The stuff stinks! imagine this- rose-scented disinfectant+ chips+ smoke+ beer+ deodarant+ stale chutney from breakfast+ eggpuff crumbs= sheer sulphurous hell.)

* The Boss.

* The Boss's wife. Bitch. She thinks I'm having it off with the man, jesus christ almighty, has she taken a serious look at him lately?!

* The aunt that keeps trying to marry me off to random strangers with IT/ Bank jobs, and American accents. (The first specimen she brought me to see crashed his cart in fright when i met him at the supermarket months later- hmmm, i shouldn't have told him all those details about my then last trip to goa)

* Goa

* Stupid White People who come to India and behave as if they were in some Spiritual Supermarket, all the while cursing the heat, the flies, the beggars and Us. If you wanted Bliss, you should have stayed at home, you lilly-livered idiots, atleast you have Central Air Conditioning and a Public Transport System that works.

* Microsoft. Die, Bill Gates, Die! (...er...metaphorically of course)

* Guys who wear Dark Glasses indoors in clubs.

* Hrithik Roshan.

* Students who think "After Rang De Basanti We Are All Going To Turn Into Conscientious Citizens And Work For The Benefit Of The Country."

* The Bajrang Dal

* Al Qaeda

* People who take 2000 year old manuscripts seriously word- for- word.

* Christian groups that pretend to not be Christian but then sneak up on you with their pal Jesus when you're busy pouring your heart out to one of Them about your miserable break- up with your ex- boyfriend. Me turn Christian because Ramapithecus Man broke my heart? Haw Haw- what the fuck do you have female friends and beer for then??!

* Gits who ride bikes with modified silencers.

* Gits who think Hostel and Cannibal Holocaust are "cool". I watched it in the company of Neanderthal Man and Tibetan food and had to spend most part of the evening holding his head over the potty as he regurgitated bits of momo and thukpa.

* My brother's girlfriends. The last one he brought along thought the Kyoto Protocol was Japanese Dining Etiquette and asked if Germain Greer was some sort of vegetable. *sigh* where have all the rabble- rousing Feminists gone??

* Chiranjeevi

*Madonna- the gap between her teeth and the gap between her ears where her brain used to be.

* Marylin Manson ("Marylin! Kisses darling *mwa mwa* have you tried those new Max Factor Foundations- they're absolutely smashing, i tell you!")

* George Bush (total Fuckwad. Cannot locate China on a map. Or Washington, for that matter.)

* Americans who drive SUV's and have wives with boob jobs and botox

* Communists (Let it go already man, your wall fell down ages ago.)

* Royal Enfields. (the old bikes fall apart and the new bikes suck. Surely, SURELY, Enfield can come up with better?!)

To Be Contd....(there's plenty more where that came from.)